reflections of mind

Listen to the silence, my dear mind
There lies the truth, eventually you will find.
There's a deep cave of thought running through you, I know
In the passing time.. let it flow,
Be strong, you have no choice,
But to rise up, shine and get your own voice.
See past the fear, the pain and those who deceive
There lies a beautiful goal which you are yet to achieve

Happy birthday

B'day - a synonym for 'the happiest day' of life every year. Who would not enjoy that day? Who would ponder if they are actually happy that this day few years back they were born or sad coz year by year dey r nearing their death ? Its after all their b'day !
What significance does this day play in ones life? I strongly believe its a day when people , friends or foes, whom i know actually for a moment think about me. They might be blessing or cursing me but the fact is they remember me dis day, determining the truth of our very existence .Whats the fun in leading a life where no 1. bothers me, thinks about me and worst of all knows me ? When I was a kid my parents used to buy me new clothes, new school bag, new pencil box, new water bottle etc. I used to think and plan about the next bday the very next day of my bday. It was fun. Mum used to prepare my fav. dishes 'gazar ka halwa' and ' dahi wada' being on top of d unending list. Neva used 2 sleep d day b4 and waited for mum n dad to wish me at 12 wid presents, d gifts were more fascinating than anything else those days. The school b'day songs, the chocolate distribution session, the bday party,those far distant phone calls from relatives, the small little gifts !! i envy myself when i think about my bday wen i ws a kid.

Now, that am post 20, i still wonder if am matured enough to take care of myself and others? Its been 20 looooong years and it seems like just yesterday wen i learned my first cycling lessons , my dad running beside me, holding the cycle. And now it so happens that i have to learn my 2 n 4 wheeler lessons myself ! Now, my bdays have different meanings. They dont only mean a fun filled day. I no more wait for the presents. I make a bday resolution on every bday. Those resolution which i rarely follow but those generally being the lesson taught by life that year. Deceit, betrayal, lies etc used to hurt me few years down the line but now i am accustomed to such acts. The whole year I work, study and lead a mechanical life. The only day when i think about myself is on my b'day. Even busier people than me take out few moments of their life and invest it in wishing me. Thats the most valuable present which i would love to treasure. That is what i think real bday gifts are - 'my loved ones' It builds the feeling of loving and being loved in me. It makes me feel that i am not alone in this big world, where people have no time for any1. Life has taught me so many lessons that over each and every bday wen i think about the past i find myself stupid and a silly kid. I in myself always make it a point to grow and compete within me. This year if i have few relationships prevailing i make it a point to add lots more to those prevailing ones by my next bday. This is a challenge i have been accepting from within me. This is what keeps the love kindled in me. It makes me love myself more and this in turn gives me the courage to be confident.
I dont know what would a bday mean to me in few years to come but as of now i take a complete different meaning of bday, as a day of love, trust and satisfaction within me. I would not say dat i don treat my frnds dis day. If i say this, it would sound as if am an oldie. I do enjoy, i treat my frnds, i party but the real meaning of bday in my heart would be the above mentioned facts.
I hope this feeling about a bday grows into a different, more meaningful and finer perspective in future. But as of now >>> " I LOVE MY BDAY" :)

my childhood memories - few of dem !

Memories: (Childhood)

What do i miss now in life ?

Sitting with dad and discussing how to learn maths tables?
Getting scolded by mom for helping the pup get out of d drain?
Enjoying the summer vacation by playing from 1 to 8 ?
Gettin injured while playing cricket and kabbadi ?
Breaking up friendship wid a friend jus coz he din give d chocolate?
Getting hit by dad for d 1st and last time coz of going to a frnds house widout informing directly from school?
The small misunderstandings at schools?
The unit tests and getting almost flunked in geography?
Getting thrown out of class for not completing maths homework?
Getting hit by principal for kneeling down outside d class (double punishment)?
Roaming the whole school premises jobless to show off that we into high school ?
The coming off the saree while a dance performance in class 5?
The reader's quarters where i spent 12 yrs of my life?
The throwing of dolls from 3rd floor for fun and getting it back through a rope hanging from the balcony ?
The making of mud cakes and distributing it among friends ?
Searching for a thorn fruit in the forest?
Playing of holi from morning 7 to 1pm?
Getting scared at nights after watching Zee horror show ?
Mom waking me up at 6am to get ready for school?
Getting teased by a guy in bus for the new hair cut?
Stand 1st in the poem writing competition?
The disastrous dance competition?
Crying at the death of a fav. pet ? Street pup !
Cursing the uncle who killed the lil cat ?
Feeling miserable at the thought of chopping up a fav. tree in backyard for laying a new road?
The excitement of entering new children's park in the neighborhood?
The roaming of the whole university campus and entering all the departments on various festivals wid friends?
The fight with the vegetable vendor for cheating my mom by 2 rs. ?
Having lunch for an hour by watching t.v ?
Arrival of a new car? announcing it in the whole colony at night 11 and getting yelled at by an old uncle ?
Loving aunties preparing my fav. dishes ?
Tasting Pizza in 8th for the 1st time in life?
Disastrous cooking experiment ?
Missing the bus ?
Bunking up school in middle by giving lame excuses?
Throwing of tablets everyday in the morning and getting caught?
Giving reasons to parents for bunking school?
The scoldings of mom for getting low marks in half yearly exams ?
The satisfaction that "i slapped a guy today while cycling"?
The cycling competition with friends and later getting scolded by mom for the same!
Teasing a guy for peeing in a well ?
The 7th class excursion to nepal ? Escaping the super cyclone ?
The 1999 super cyclone ! The terror of the mishap still crawling under skin?
The birthday celebrations at home and rarely at school coz of dusshera vacations?
The fights wid cousins who wer almost 10 - 15 yrs elder to me?
The disaster in our family? 1994 dec 10th !
The 10th class exams ?
The tensions regarding entering a gud college ?

Truly said “When childhood dies, its corpses are called adults and they enter society, one of the politer names of hell. That is why we dread children, even if we love them, they show us the state of our decay.”

A short story about life ~!~

Life is a mystery in itself. Its always misleading. Sometimes what you think will happen never happens and the most unpredictable thing occurs in your life which leaves us in a state of shock. Why is it that few people come in our life like a squall, occupy their own space in our heart and leave it vacant later leaving behind the never forgettable memories? Why is it that we start loving them and missing them? Cant it so happen that whoever comes and goes in our life , they in no way should affect or bother us? Why is human mind not ready to accept this thing? Why do people become so attached with every individual whom they meet in their path of life? Why cant they just lead a lonely life? Why do they need parents, friends, partner, a companion for leading a life? The answer would be ‘Man is a social animal’. I have already heard to this saying before. But has anyone ever pondered anything beyond this fact?

I have been a happy go lucky kind of person all these years as I was not that matured to think anything beyond friends, play and partying! But at a certain age I think I am a loner! All those whom I thought would be there forever are no where near me. I find no one whom I can confide into. I have to deal with my own problems. People after a certain age people expect a virtuous behaviour from you. Every individual is expected to be a prodigy. But how is it possible? I am a normal person , how can I become a prodigy ?? This expectation kills the innocence and love prevailing in a person. The thirst to prove himself makes him to engross and indulge into so many activities that by the end of the day he is left with no time for his loved ones, who , in turn become so much attuned to this behaviour that they learn to live without love.

It would have been good if this ended like this, it would harm no one. But being humans, we have a little devil located in between our lungs called as heart- It’s said that people think about their loved ones from there, which is scientifically impossible though, that tends to realise that what he has been running behind is just materialistic and that he can never survive without the one who were the reason behind his happy survival all these years !! its then that the problems start. He then realises that he has already lost them and that those who once loved him have an aversion towards him. This thought eats him up inside. He wishes it to be a bad dream and that it would be over when he is awake! But its not the same! He has actually lost the most valued possession he had in his life! Its then that he realises that life is not as easy as it was though to be. He searches for their remnants behind. Their memory flashes in his brain. He remembers the small interactions, the sweet gifts, the lovely locations they visited together, the walk in the beach hand in hand, the way he used to be called with weird cute names and to pacify this all he satisfies himself by following the phrase ‘everything happens for a reason’ which in a way is not always true.

Finally, unable to fight with his thoughts he indulges himself into such activities where he gets no time to think anything. He forgets his goals and his virtues. He curses his luck for everything. He pretends to be happy. He masks his own, his true self from others. He gives a fake smile with millions of germs of sadness crawling beneath his skin. He thinks his life is like a sinking ship. He waits for his saviour.

Expectations and impatience grows geometrically. His brain loses the power to accept any positive belief or faith. He becomes impossible to handle.

One day he wakes up thinking where is his life leading to? This thought brings him back to reality. He realises that life is not always bed of roses. This experience of his has taught him how to manoeuvre and avoid the thorns in his life! This time he doesn’t commit any mistake. He realises what and how exactly he is expected to behave in adverse situations. This fall was necessary in his life to build his character strong. His foundation becomes strong, he realises that what is gone is past and that his present behaviour and attitude would build up his future.

With this attitude he finally learns the lesson of life, the meaning and importance of love, the necessity of a good future and most importantly he learns to sort out his priorities.